I have for some time believed that my life is the stuff of long-running dry and scarcasticly hilarious sitcoms.
I have thus decided to post the sitcom-worthy material in one place.
Unfortunately I will not be able to drudge up the past, although it would be worth the laugh for all the hard work.
Most recently I have had both of my dogs attempt to break parts of my body.
First it was my older dog Rajah. I had taken both Rajah and Amelia to the park to play. I often take them to the park by my house so they can run and play. I do not like taking them on lead because they tend to over-power me and I become the one that is being taken for a walk, rather than the other way around. Additionally, they stay out of trafic and come when i call so they themselves are really less trouble off lead than on lead. However, there are the neighbors. Specifically there is a middle aged woman who smells like burnt eggs that walks what looks to be a border collie pomeranian mix around the same time we go to the park. The woman will often scoop up the 40-50 lbs dog protecting it from my 60 pounds wet Catahoula, Amelia. The only thing I have ever heard this woman say is "seriously!?!" ... seriously what i'm not sure, but that seriously is a dog who is not on lead and you seriously are protecting your dog that is about her size... so yeah, seriously.
Anyhow, we were playing frisbee in said park. I was throwing it in the oposite direction of this woman who still had her strange looking fluff ball up in her arms. After a few rounds i sat in the shade and would throw from the ground. This was a perfectly wonderful idea until Rajah decided he wanted to be as close as possible to the frisbee when it was released from my hand. This resulted in a full speed swing to his face. There was a puncture wound on the back of my hand between my first and middle fingers and Rajah was crouched down as he does when he is saying sorry for chewing a hole in my mom's carpet. my hand swelled up and i couldn't close my fist. Naturally I started summer school classes the next day, and it hurt to write because I broke my dominant hand on my dog's face. Later that week after much prodding from my family, I went to the ER and had my hand ex-rayed. Turns out it was NOT broken, but just badly sprained. A few days of ice and splinting cleared it up.
Yesterday I was wrestling with my dogs. They like to growl and I like to grab their feet, it's a good game. Anyway I was on all fours wrestling and had grabbed the smaller dog Amelia and tucked her under me. Rajah started growling at my head so i tucked that under as well just as Amelia was spazing to get out from underneith me. The crown of her head caught the underside of my nose and my nose was swiftly pushed up and back toward my brain. Just like in the good martial arts movies or the ones about the underdog kids that get lessons on how to fight the bully one trick they always use is the judo nose breaking skill. My little dog Amelia is apparently a ninja. I don't think that my nose is ACTUALLY broken (just like my "broken" hand from Rajah) because I do not have black eyes. However I do have a swolen septum and I can't actually blow my nose without doubling over in pain. I've been icing and elivating (easy to do if the injury is on your head) hopefully I'll be able to wipe my nose soon.
So why not! why shouldn't haveing dogs mean that I will also have broken body parts due to spending time with them.